Time to Ditch Sarcasm

Sarcasm can really hamper your ability to communicate, especially with women. Essentially, sarcasm is meant to be funny, to make you appear humorous and upbeat. It can work if you don't overdo it. When around old friends and the like-minded, sarcasm, as a form of ball-breaking, can help build comradery. This begins to backfire when you’re always sarcastic.

Most of us can think of the guy we know who is always sarcastic. You ask a simple, direct question, and he replies with something ridiculous. “Hey, do you know what time we’re meeting on Saturday?” “Well, how could I possibly know that? It’s not like I organized the meetup or anything.” Yeah, this asshole. He’s a douche, and if you’re him (as I was), you’ve got work to do.

Why eliminate sarcasm? First, it makes you seem unserious, like you’re incapable of speaking directly. There’s nothing more frustrating than expecting a straight answer and getting a sarcastic response.

Second, women do not find it attractive. Trying to demonstrate you have a sense of humor by using sarcasm can, and usually does, backfire. Women are attracted to masculine behavior, and sarcasm is more irritating than masculine. Any time you are consciously trying to entertain a woman, you are making her believe you are “friend” material, not fuck material.

I understand the desire to be sarcastic. If you’re socially awkward or shy, sarcasm helps you fit in. You make some jokes, keep up the shtick, and people will laugh or smile. But only for so long. Eventually, they’ll see you as the immature guy with nothing but wise crack responses.

How can sarcasm be curtailed? What helped me was noticing how irritating extremely sarcastic people can be. Seeing it in others gave me a conscious understanding of how I was likely being perceived. The way I helped turn off my automatic sarcasm was by pausing before responding. I spent an extra second reminding myself that I need to respond in a mature manner. I have eliminated much of my sarcasm by not immediately blurting out what comes to mind.

Regarding women, my advice is to ditch sarcasm entirely. If you find it difficult, limit yourself to a single sarcastic response per date. When first meeting a woman, assume sarcasm is a bad idea unless she is sarcastic. A quote from a paper published online:

People must be careful with how they use sarcasm, especially males.  The fact that most of the males view sarcasm as a subtype of humor suggests that they neglect the verbally aggressive nature of sarcasm.  This would cause them to be ignorant of some people’s feelings, especially those of females.  Since males generally use sarcasm more often and women tend to be more negatively effected by it, it is suggested that males either limit the amount of sarcastic remarks they make, or stop being sarcastic altogether.  The thing with sarcasm is that there is too much room for misinterpretation.

Disregarding the “it may hurt someone’s feelings” crap, this is true: sarcasm can be misinterpreted very easily. If people misinterpret your words, it’s your fault. Be more direct, and they will take you more seriously; they’ll treat you like a serious man.

Of course, the path to becoming a serious man begins here.

3 Comments on Time to Ditch Sarcasm

  1. It completely loses its appeal… When it’s over used as it is today. Great read BTW!


  2. mattinbritain // April 16, 2016 at 4:03 pm // Reply

    Good stuff Matt. You’re right. This is something I need to personally work on. Trying to be funny in general. The pausing before you respond is good advice.


  3. Thanks, guys.

    Rich, I appreciate the plug on the latest show. I’m glad I can contribute more than just money.


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